It had always been my dream to go to university but when I held my 'A' level results in my hands, I gave up that dream.
I believe in each one of us, there exists the egoistic self. That egoistic self manifested itself that day when I went ahead to apply for a place in the Science faculty in NUS even though I had already decided in my heart that I would stop my education.
Why?
So that I could say to myself that I did qualify for university, that I was good enough!
Receiving that letter of offer from NUS brought me joy, a joy that lasted only up to the day of matriculation when it was replaced with a tinge of sadness. While it lasted I held out hope against hope that maybe, just maybe I could perhaps just allow myself to go on to pursue my education in university. A windfall or something like that. I loved to study. I felt envious of my friends who would be moving ahead...
But my older sister had not been in very good health and my younger sister and brother were still schooling. My younger sister was brighter than I and like me, she too dreamed of going to university.
I could have applied for a bursary or a scholarship but my mother had shouldered alone the burden of bringing up four children for so long, and to have two of us in university simultaneously would be, in my mind, too great a burden for my mother. I didn't want it to be so hard for her. My mother felt very sorry. She was really the greatest mother anyone could ever wish for. She never ever had a negative word to say of her toil and labour for us. I have no regret in making that decision even though it was very sad for me to have to give up my dream.
Thus my pathway diverted from my friends'.
My younger sister and I. Don't we look like twins?
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