When I stood up for Neo Chye Huat

Paper aeroplanes flew.

He talked loudly, walked about when the teacher was teaching. He also played truant.

For the sake of the rest of the class, he was often made to stand outside the classroom. But that didn't bother him one bit. To him, it was freedom. Before long he had wandered away to disturb the students in the neighbouring classes - those sitting at the back of the class next to the door. Other times he would be shouting across to students having their PE lesson in the basketball court.

The old school was designed as a quadrangle with classrooms overlooking the court, so you can imagine the noise he made with his shouts.

The discipline master had to play catching with him often.

To be honest, if this was something out of a movie or a story book I would have laughed out loud at the hilarious sight of a discipline master running after a wayward student.

But this was Chye Huat. And I? I was his form teacher.

Chye Huat was the reason I had to attend an interview that would determine if I could be confirmed me as a teacher.

The situation was so bad it got to the stage where the discipline master decided to keep Chye Huat by his side, literally. Wherever the discipline master went, Chye Huat tagged behind. Other times he was made to sit in the staff room.

But Chye Huat mostly behaved himself during my lessons. He even studied for my tests! In the beginning when he attempted to disrupt lessons by talking, I gave him many opportunities to talk. LOL I threw questions on the lesson at him.

Perhaps he didn't know how to respond to not being punished. Eventually he stopped his antics because he didn't want to answer my questions. He just slouched in his chair.

The complaints from the teachers went to the principal.

And then the school wanted to expel him.

I was shocked. I thought that was a rather drastic course of action and as his form teacher, I did not support expulsion for him.

Perhaps their reasoning was: why keep him in school when you cannot keep him in the classroom?

I, however, was of the view that if some rapport could be established with him, he could be changed. But I was alone in this. Young and naive. That was what my colleagues thought although they were too polite and kind to tell me.

But my principal walked into the staff room and proclaimed loudly, "Our students are devils, you know. They are not angels."

I knew she was speaking for me to hear. So did my colleagues. I felt miserable. I think I would have felt less miserable if she had come straight up to me and told me as much.

Several times after school, I had had to sit with the discipline master in the Principal's Office to meet with my principal. The meetings were about Chye Huat but it felt more like I was the one being disciplined - for that resistance.

I appreciated that the school did take my stand into consideration and did not simply push through with their choice. The discipline master told me they would suspend him for 2 weeks. But to give him a good shaking-up, they would tell him he was expelled.

I was relieved.

Chye Huat was nonchalant when told that he was 'expelled'. But before a week was over, he ranged me up at home one night and told me tearfully over the phone that he wanted to go back to school. He asked me to help him.

Naughty Chye Huat was crying but I was very happy to hear from him. So Chye Huat came back to school and he was thankful to me for my 'help'.

Thus I concluded my two years' training with this episode as the grand finale that went into my principal's appraisal of me. My principal also did not request for me to continue teaching in this school as a trained teacher.

What about Chye Huat?

Sad to say, he did not make the best use of the second chance given to him. Friends told me he was back to his old ways. Eventually he was expelled - a second time. This time it was for real. Chye Huat ranged me up again. He wanted to go back to school. But how could I help him? I was no longer a staff of the school.

When I was a trainee teacher

I did my training in a school that was made up of academically very weak students. A number of them were overage having repeated in some years.

There was a shortage of teachers at that time and I taught lower secondary English, Mathematics amd Science.

I didn't like teaching English. Correcting my students' compositions was like re-writing 40 compositions all over. In some cases, I had to correct every sentence. And since we had to set a composition exercise every other week, alternating with comprehension, I found myself writing compositions non-stop.

I was a very good Math and Science teacher though. Through getting to know my students,I learned very early on in my training not to make any assumptions about what my students already knew or should know. Their foundation was really very weak.

I was very systematic, organised and clear in my explanation. And I watched keenly my students' faces for their response to everything I said. I discovered that I had an enormous amount of patience. I don't remember ever feeling despaired that they couldn't understand even the most basic thing. If they did not understand the first time, I would try to explain the same thing again in a different way, or I would speak slowly and pause to emphasize whatever that I thought needed emphasis and to allow the idea to sink in. And I would explain an idea or concept as many times as needed, whether to a class or to individuals, until they were understood. You cannot move forward unless your students are moving forward with you.

The change in my students' facial expressions - from looking lost to "I see light", from frowns to smiles - those were the moments of satisfaction for me.

Years later I was on a few occasions stopped by people on the roads or wherever and they would tell me I was their teacher and that I was a very good teacher.

It amazes me that there are people who think they are doing students weak in their studies a great favour by calling for streaming to be delayed or worse, to be abolished altogether. They think by doing so they are taking away the stress of learning or the misery of a label. The reality is that the earlier you catch a child who is lagging behind and help him or her to consolidate their foundation, the less stressful learning will be later on for them because there will be less catching up to do.

Our students are devils, not angels.

"Our students are devils, you know. They are not angels," my principal proclaimed in the staff room.

Those words, spoken sarcastically and addressed to no one in particular, were meant for my ears.

I was just a trainee teacher then doing my first posting in a secondary school.

I went into teaching after I gave up going to university because I did not want to give up studying and being a teacher meant the chance to continue to study while also drawing a salary which would allow me to contribute financially to help my mother.

It was a bold decision given that I was a timid student who preferred to fade into the background rather than be the focus of attention or in the spotlight. But such was my desire to study that I was ready to take that plunge.

It was the beginning of putting on a very brave front again and again that belied the nervousness underneath. For me, to stand in front of a class and take charge took a lot of courage. I had to be the person that I was not.

Thus I did not go into teaching because of some childhood ambition to be a teacher but I was a good teacher to my students.

At the end of my training, I was one of the very few who were not confirmed. When you have to go for an interview before you are confirmed as a teacher, you know that is bad news.

I'll tell you why I was not confirmed another time.

Dreams

It had always been my dream to go to university but the day I received my A level results, I gave up that dream.

Still, that did not stop me from applying for a place in the science faculty in NUS - just so that I could say, "Hey, I also qualified for university." Hence I conclude that there exists in each one of us an egoistic self that manifests in varying degree.

I was filled with joy when I received the letter of offer. It was a joy that lasted until matriculation day when it was replaced with that tinge of sadness. The passing of that day was a seal on my decision.

I made that decision to lessen the burden on my mother. I have a younger sister and younger brother and they were both schooling. My younger sister also had dreams of going to university. I felt it would be very tough for my mother to support both of us in university. I decided that my younger sister who is the smarter one, should go to university.

Thus my pathwary diverted from my friends'.