My Mother

My father looked at me and told me he was sorry he would not be able to bring me up. Then he said to me, "Take care of your mother when she is old." I was nine.

Those words stayed with me.

A few days later he passed away at home. He took three laboured breaths that sucked the life out of him with each one. He was lucid to the end.

My father was a stern man of few words. But he was a good man. For several years before he died, he could not work because of his illness. So my mother took on the role of breadwinner. She worked as a washerwoman.

She was a strong woman with a never-say-die attitude. She was also very hardworking. She soldiered on, waking up very early before dawn to go to her employers' homes. She had several employers. Some of them wanted the cleaning done before they left for work.

When my father became bedridden, I watched my mother tend to my father's every need. Never once did she complain. It must have been very tough for my father because being an Asian man, he always felt very strongly about his duty to his family.

My mother worked 7 days a week, 364 days a year. Her only day of rest was the first day of Chinese New Year. It was a day we greatly looked forward to because it was the only day of the year when we could have breakfast together as a family.

The constant exposure to detergents hurt her hands a lot. Every night she would apply an ointment bought from a Chinese medical hall on her palms. Sometimes they got so bad the 'holes' in them made them look like 'beehives'.

She also suffered from bouts of gastric attacks. It was the result of going to work in the morning on an empty stomach. She would endure the pain and carry on working until she reached home in the afternoon. Thereafter she would lie down in bed and pressed a pillow hard against her body to stifle the pain.

My mother was a forward-looking woman. What little she had, she gave us the best. For as long as we could, dinner was eaten together as a family until we grew older and our school schedules took precedence.

Dinner time was when my mother would impart life lessons to us, teaching us how to be good, guiding us, telling us not to quarrel with each other but to look out for each other as siblings. We learned to share and to care. We shared an apple. We shared our experiences in school. We talked about our friends.

My mother believed that 'life is what you make of it. If you are willing to work hard you will enjoy the fruits of your labour.' My mother also encouraged us to study hard for a bright future. She put her hopes in us.

To ease her burden, we took over the household chores. So we learned from very young to cook simple meals, wash and iron the clothes and clean the house while mother worked to put food on the table. It was a kampong house that my father bought. Being young and playful, we turned the house cleaning chore into a fun time sliding on the soapy floor. My mother was always tolerant of all that.

Help came in various ways. Being illiterate, my mother was ignorant of the financial assistance schemes available to help her. A kind uncle helped to fill up forms and put us on MOE (Ministry of Education) financial assistance scheme for the poor. That provided much financial relief for her because we didn't have to pay any fees and we had free textbooks. Then there were the bursaries.

Our clothes were mostly hand-me-downs from kind neighbours and relatives. Our first television set and refrigerator were also given by kind neighbours after they bought new sets.

My siblings and I spent many evenings singing together. That was one of our favourite pastimes. We enjoyed singing and it warmed mother's heart watching us singing happily away. The house was filled with warmth and laughter.

Hard times do not remain forever.

Today my mother is proud that three of her four children are graduates. My eldest sister would have done very well in her studies too if she hadn't fallen very sick once which really affected her. She went to a good school but did not finish her education there because of her sickness. Still I am glad that she is well today and happy.

We did not grow up with luxuries. Yet we never felt that we lacked anything because we had something very precious - a mother's love and warmth which made for a very happy childhood.